Crónicas da Alemanha

A edição internacional da muito boa revista alemã Spiegel está a elaborar um “guia cultural” para que os adeptos das diferentes selecções nacionais entendam e sobrevivam ao contacto com os peculiares alemães. Para isso, pediu ajuda a estrangeiros que estejam a viver ou de visita à Alemanha para que contem estórias de algo que lhes tenha sucedido, durante a sua estada no país. Aqui fica o texto que lhes escrevi com esse propósito. Para alguns dos eventuais leitores não será novidade, mas de qualquer modo aqui fica. Por razões óbvias está escrito em inglês.

In Portugal and Spain, countries in which I born and work, respectively, we characterize the Germans specially by their fame of beeing organized people. So, it was not surprise for me your usual strickt ponctuality in seminars and meetings,find the streets always clean (except when there is a beer party or a strike…), the highways and national roads very well conserved and sinalized, the way you treat your garbage, with separate bag colors and different containers to separate it and, finally, the very unusual costume, for the latin patterns of course, of stopping in the red lights for pedestrians, even if it is 5 o’clock in the morning, with -10ºC, wind and snow. All as in the script.

Although, for the eyes of a latin guy like me, your organization skills are sometimes, and please don’t consider me rude, quite pathologic and non sense. I tell you my story.

One more evening in the winter of 2005. Homburg, Saarland (but could be elsewhere in Germany). I leave the institute after one more day of work. As usual it is raining. A quick run to the car and I can start the trip home. But before a stop in the supermarket. The fridge is empty, there is nothing to drink and I am starving. I arrive to the supermarket parking and it is almost full. I park my car, and the rain did not stop yet. I look to the entry and there are sevelal shopping cars. So I run again, between the other parked cars and quickly get to the shopping cars. Not very wet, only the glasses and the few hairs I still have got some drops. I insert a 1€ coin and go inside. Drinks, yoghurts, some vegetables and fruits, some steaks, käsespätzle and other quick food. Ready to go. I pay, the girl from the Kasse say “Guten Abend”, and I, as did not knew how to say “good evening for you too”, just put my nice smile and said “Danke”.

I get to the door and imagine… is still raining. More. Look to the parking and see the better way to get to my car. In a quick step I start towards my Polo. Open the bag, put the shops there and go the near shopping car parking to let mine and pick the 1€ back. When I go to insert the “key” in my car, it did not work. “Hmm, strange, maybe it is brocken” – I thougt. Try in the next line and nothing. The glasses are wet. There is still one more line. I try… and nothing again. Meanwhile someone else arrives, put his shopping car in the back of the front one, insert the key and… voilá! His 1€ coin. I stare to the man going away with my shopping bolide in the hands. In this moment, my few hairs are already wet.

Another car parking 50 meters from me. I will try there. First line, my car in the back of the front one, insert key, nothing. Grrr… my latin blood start to warm, even with the cold rain drops that travel from my hair to my back. The other line, the same procedure, nothing. Try again in a more violent way… nothing. Last line… ahhhhhh. What the hell they want for me? A drop is already going down my back…

Let’s think like a german, maybe I get it. You like organized things, but what kind of thing can you want to organize in the shopping cars? I look to them and see that there is a line in the floor separating the parking from the street. “Very well, they don’t want to put the a number of shopping cars that make the cue pass the line and stay in the middle of the street… but that is obvious. Any person with good sense do it!”

Desperate, I go back to the entrance, already considering to loose the euro coin and put the shopping car exactly in the middle of the street. I try in the first line and doesn’t work, and try in the second and… it matches, I can see the coin. “But what’s the logic?” – I ask to myself. Then I see.. the color of my shopping car was blue, as all the car colors in that line, and different from all the other line colors. 30 little cars in line of the same color, in a cue that exactly stops in the line, and that assures that there will be any shopping car in the street. Very organized. Very pathological. Good sense would be enough for the propose… and I would had arrived home dry.

PS: Don’t forget to mention that “Ausfahrt” is not a big city with lots of exists from the highway… just mean that… Exit!

PSS: And also don’t forget to warn that the german youth has the strange habit of throwing beer botles and glasses when they start to be a little drunk…